Saturday, September 20, 2008

The 1st year

It's been a while since I wrote in here so here it goes...

I've been meaning to write another blog, but when I did (which was in March) it just sounded like I was bitchin' and giving up... which is totally the opposite some days. I have more low days than high it seems, but I'm toughing thru it.

The first year's been pretty hard. I've had to deal with a lot of things. Like being homesick, being confined to a wheelchair, and dealing with a break up that got interrupted when I broke my neck, among other issues.

Time's a bitch and it seems like it's just taking its sweet ol' time, hehe. In a year I've gone from not wanting to do therapy to wanting to do it every chance that can get (and that insurance will pay for). I'm getting to the point where I can transfer from my chair to the bed with limited help and spotting. Which is a big deal! I went to being a weakling to Wonder Woman and Stretch Armstrong's love child. If I only had those kick ass wrist cuffs and an invisible plane... hehe :) I'm in the process of starting Drivers Ed. I can't believe I have to learn how to drive again... oivey! I'm also getting my very own manual wheelchair with power assist wheels! YEAH!! It's going to shiny and brand new... So I'm getting there, progress is slow but happening.

And then there's school. Yeah, I went back, but not to LSU... :'( I'm going to UTA which is the equivalent to UNO but not as cool. I'm pursuing a degree in either Public Relations or Journalism. I'm not sure which one yet. I am sure of one thing, I want to write for a music mag. Anything music... it's been my savoir for the past 17 1/2 months and I don't know what I do without it. So I'm more than sure that that's what I want to do.
But I'm going to school on campus full-time which is a huge jump for me. I'm very self conscious and I'm have this fear that everyone is staring me down and judging me... thinking I have a mental handicap instead of just a physical handicap. And it doesn't help that I'm in my power wheelchair. I look like Darth Vader if he was a quadriplegic. Then on top of that my mom is helping me out on campus until I'm comfortable enough to ask people for help. So needless to say I feel like a freak. But I guess it's something I just have to get used to...

But all my progress and hard work is so I can reach my goal of going back to LSU and New Orleans and finish what I started, building my life around and in the city that I grew up in. I'm going try my damnedest to not graduate from UTA and graduate from LSU and get my Master's there too.

After that, establish my career/reputation and go to Austin and enroll in Project Walk. Which is a program that is quad boot camp almost. Actually it's a program that uses physical therapy to get quads and paras to walk again. They've had a lot of success... they have had patients who were 20 years post injury walk again.

And doing that would go back to telling those doctors "Won't walk again? Guess you were wrong about that one, weren't ya?"

But in the end it's all about picking up the pieces and rebuilding with whatever you have to work with. I'm not done yet...
Even when my days are the blackest (and alcohol won't fix it, hehe)... I still manage to pull through. I don't know how, maybe its perseverance or sheer stubbornness, I just do.

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